My dog behaves better without me, does that make me a bad owner?

I often receive praise for being patient and loving with Lucky, but deep down, I constantly question myself. Maybe I’m not the right fit for her, I could be the cause of her anxiety, and perhaps there’s someone better suited to care for her. Despite her progress, there are still moments when I wonder if she’d thrive more with someone else.

Back when I was fostering her, people, including close friends, suggested that maybe she needed a man in her life to make her feel secure or that she should live in the countryside in a house with a backyard instead of a small apartment in the city center. While I’ve improved our living situation, thoughts about her feeling insecure because of me linger.

What really hits hard is witnessing how she becomes the perfect angel with other people when I’m not around—be it with our sitters, trainers, my friends, or my boyfriend. Hearing how she is quiet, calm, and non-reactive without me amplifies the voice in my head telling me I’m not the right person for her.

I mean, I’m grateful that she’s easy to take care of, yet I feel like a big, giant loser. Despite my best efforts and the challenges I’ve faced, I still can’t control my own dog. (Writing all this down is tough; I can feel my tears well up just thinking about it.)

But here’s the thing: all those “what ifs” don’t really matter. I’ll never know if things would have been better with someone else, but what I do know is that nobody could love Lucky more or be as committed as I am. And that’s precisely what she needs—not a big house with a backyard or a strong man.

I understand that dogs behave differently with other people for various reasons. It could be their response to our presence, a matter of resource guarding, or simply their comfort in showing their true selves around us. Our dogs behave differently with us because of the deep bond we share, not because of our shortcomings. It doesn’t mean I’m not good enough; it simply means there’s room for growth and learning alongside Lucky 😊