Better Life or Longer Life?

On Monday, I had a call with our VB. Since clomipramine didn’t help Lucky much, and she’s been slightly more anxious during her withdrawal, I wanted to have a call about the next steps.

We talk a lot about our pups’ reactivity and anxiety on social media, but hearing it from a vet who also has an anxious dog on medication (and who also feels guilty about their dog’s anxiety) — and hearing myself say out loud what I see and feel — almost teared me up.

Understanding what’s going on in Lucky’s brain helps me know her better. OCD is a big topic for us (swipe to read more on it). It still breaks my heart to see her lose herself and start attacking the floor, people’s feet, or jumping at walls when she’s stressed. The same goes for her reactivity: Yes, she’s scared, but it’s also the stress in the situation. It’s not about the trigger itself but the reinforcement — that brief “good feeling” she gets from exploding.

She has a hard time processing even the smallest change. That’s why she can be much calmer during our daily walks compared to the same walk with an additional person, or at a different time of day. On top of that, she’s always looking for something to be scared of. We could walk in the quietest area, and she’d still be waiting for something to happen. It just takes so much out of her mental health.

I grew up in a family that’s very holistic, we avoid any pills unless super necessary. So having to give Lucky drugs, without ever knowing what they’d do to her, has always been a hard decision. And I’ve honestly started feeling more skeptical about medicating Lucky after trying both fluoxetine and clomipramine, plus all kinds of natural supplements. She’s still anxious — still reacting, sucking on blankets, chasing lights & shadows. I also worry about the long-term impact of drugs on her health.

But not giving medication another try feels like a sh***y option too.

So the question remains: a shorter life but better quality of life for our pups, or a longer life with anxiety? When framed like that, the answer seems obvious, but I’m still not sure how to see it. Is there really no other way? (Other than moving somewhere remote and leaving society altogether?)